ESTJs are wonderful people. If you are an ESTJ, you are well aware of your strengths, like the ability to be dedicated, strong-willed, honest, and loyal. You may also realize (or maybe not) through all your incredible qualities that sometimes people have difficulty connecting with you, and maintaining relationships doesn’t always work out. It can get you questioning why does everyone hate ESTJs?
ESTJs are one of the most hated personality types because they can be arrogant, don’t express emotion well, and are highly focused on social status. They can be judgmental, expect everyone to follow only their way of things, and are sometimes disrespectful and don’t consider others’ feelings.
ESTJs are not bad people, and not all ESTJs are the same. The negative mannerisms of ESTJs often come from emotionally unhealthy individuals, which can extend to any personality type. ESTJs have some weaknesses, as do other MBTIs, but sometimes ESTJs let those weaknesses get the better part of their character. It can lead to difficulty in people understanding, accepting, or wanting to be around them.
Why Are ESTJs So Annoying?
If you are an ESTJ (or have to deal with one), you might have heard or felt how annoying ESTJs are sometimes. In the personality community, you will also find many non-ESTJs talking about hating ESTJs
Below are some behaviors and reasons why this is often the case:
ESTJs Have Anger Issues
People hate that ESTJs always seem so angry and easily burst into rage and aggressiveness. ESTJs get mad over little things; they don’t think before reacting and always shout at everyone. It is challenging to have a conversation, bring up a problem, or share a different perspective with ESTJs without them throwing a tantrum and yelling at you.
ESTJs Can Be Arrogant
You will find that something people hate about ESTJs is their superiority complex. They show a lot of arrogance and think they are better than everyone. They only value their personal opinions and ideas. ESTJs will shut others down without giving them a chance because they only feel they know best. They respond with attitude and rudeness and enjoy bragging about themselves.
ESTJs Can Be Ignorant
It can be highly annoying for others when ESTJs are ignorant. ESTJs often act the way they do because they lack self-awareness and emotional understanding. They have several negative behaviors, but either doesn’t realize it or don’t agree that it is a problem. They will shut you down if you point out their ignorant traits because they don’t feel anything is wrong with how they act.
ESTJs Are Disrespectful
No one enjoys being disrespected, which is why people hate that ESTJs show so much disrespect to others. They lack empathy and decent communication skills. They do not care about how others feel or what they want. They can be rude, harsh, and aggressive to people no matter who that person is, what role they play, or how old they are. An ESTJ will not think twice about giving attitude to others.
ESTJ Are Entitled
One thing many people absolutely despise is an entitled person. ESTJs have an intense sense of entitlement and feel everyone owes them everything. They want others to give them time but won’t show the same affection. They expect others to work hard and take action while they sit back and enjoy the credit. They feel they deserve all good things but never put the same energy into things they expect.
ESTJs Lack Self-Awareness
It is incredibly annoying to be around people who lack self-awareness. They are not conscious of their emotions or reactions. They don’t know how to healthily express their feelings and do not self-reflect on their words and actions. If you call the behavior out or try to make them aware, they will deny, deflect, or get aggressive and make you the one at fault.
ESTJS Need To Be In Control
A challenging trait when dealing with ESTJs is that they always want to have control. They require control over people and situations; it is borderline OCD how they deal with things. They have to have things their way, and if you don’t agree or something doesn’t happen the way they expect, they will go into a rage fit to get their way, and they don’t care if anyone gets hurt in the process.
How To Be More Caring As An ESTJ?
Not all ESTJs are a lost cause, nor does every ESTJ have toxic behaviors. There are several things that ESTJs can do to be more empathetic and caring, build better connections, and maintain relationships.
Those things are listed below:
- Learn to accept that people have different views and opinions and don’t have to think or do only as you do.
- Try to ask questions and understand what someone else is trying to say and what they mean without jumping to conclusions and bursting into an aggressive rage.
- Remember that not everything is a personal attack on you. Sometimes you are triggered because of your own past trauma, mental health conditions, or lack of emotional health.
- Try tuning into your emotions while using logic to offer practical but empathetic solutions. Remember that no one is obligated to follow your advice, no matter great it may be.
- Learn to take a minute to process a situation before reacting. Things like breathing, sitting down, having a drink or something to eat, or even asking for a few minutes alone can make a significant difference in how you respond. It helps avoid aggressiveness and rage.
- Take time to understand that no one owes you anything, and having a sense of entitlement won’t nurture your relationships. Pulling your fair weight in tasks, offering your help, and sharing the credit for positive and negative outcomes are essential.
- Get professional help if your negative traits or weakness are getting the better of you and affecting your life and relationships. Seeing a therapist to address anger issues, past traumas, and challenging emotions can get you the help needed to create self-awareness and inner peace that will improve the quality of your life and relationships.
Conclusion
Not all ESTJs are hated, but many people find ESTJs annoying and toxic because they are entitled, aggressive, stubborn, and expect everyone to dance to their tunes. There are ways ESTJs can improve their relationships and be more caring, as mentioned above.
