Have you wanted to be friends with an ESFJ? Naturally, you have. ESFJs are civic-minded social butterflies, but one must wonder… Are they truly so magical of a friend, or are they just mean?
The ESFJ personality type thrives on helping others and on having a wide circle of friends. They are usually very friendly and make loyal friends; however, they can be mean in certain circumstances, like when they are criticised or when people resist friendship with them.
ESFJs can be super friendly, but are they hiding behind a façade? If you want to learn if the ESFJ is truly a good friend, read on!
Focus On ESFJs: Myers-Briggs Personality Type
The ESFJ is one of the sixteen distinct personality types laid out by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Isabel Myers and Katharine Briggs created the MBTI.
The acronym stands for Extraverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Perceiving and is typified by a person whose main priority is the care of others and the upliftment of their community. They are often called Consuls or Providers.
ESFJ is the second most common type of personality. They make up 17% of women and 8% of men. ESFJs enjoy volunteering, cooking, hosting, celebrating special occasions, and playing social sports like volleyball.
Famous personalities who are ESFJs include Bill Clinton, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Lopez, and Danny Glover. Some of your favorite characters who are ESFJs include Dean Winchester from Supernatural, Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones, and Mrs. Hudson from Sherlock.
Can ESFJs Be Mean?
ESFJs are by no means so saintlike and kind that they will never snap at anyone, but generally, ESFJs try to be kind and courteous to everyone they meet.
Because they have a very clear sense of what is right and wrong, they might sometimes upset people by being judgmental of those people’s actions. However, they don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings and will more than likely apologize if they see their actions have unintended consequences.
When criticized, ESFJs can become defensive, and this is especially true if a loved one disapproves of their actions. They more often than not react badly and can be very mean to the complainant.
They sometimes have some barriers to making friends because their own appraisals of people prevent them from making lifelong friends with diverse people who don’t necessarily share their perspectives.
They also tend to become annoyed when their efforts to become friends with someone don’t pan out.
Are ESFJs Friendly?
ESFJs prize sensitivity and warmth towards people. They will typically be very friendly towards people they do and don’t know alike – even those they don’t like. They aim to please and need to learn that not everyone will always reciprocate this.
They are incredibly sociable. They follow social cues well and are masters at small talk. At a party, they are usually the hosts and, even if not, they are the ones circling the room to check that everyone is enjoying themselves!
Once a friendship is established, ESFJs are loyal to a fault. They endeavor never to miss a birthday or other special occasion and are always there to lend a shoulder or cheer you on! The ESFJ’s eagerness to help others pulls many into their social circle, and they usually have many friends.
How Are ESFJs As Friends?
The most emotionally-scarring thing you can do to a Provider personality type is to denigrate their choices. ESFJs make for very sensitive friends, so you must always consider their feelings.
In general, ESFJs give their friends the benefit of the doubt and expect the same from them. This could lead to them being blinded to the bad qualities of their friends and defending friends who don’t deserve such defense.
ESFJs are incredibly attentive to the wants and needs of their friends, but this does not come without expectations of reciprocity. Their genuine concern for their friends is not inexhaustive, and if they start to be neglected, they won’t take such a keen interest in their friends’ lives.
Another negative is that ESFJs, in moments of weakness, can use the special bonds they have with their friends to manipulate them. However, since they are genuinely altruistic, these manipulations will be well-intentioned to inspire others to change their lives for the better.
ESFJs aren’t truly spontaneous but prefer to plan, so rather avoid last-minute drop-ins at your ESFJ friend. This personality type is also prone to gossip, so be prepared to have some tea spilled at your regular gab sessions.
ESFJs: Personal Development Areas
No one is perfect, and all have areas for development. ESFJs have a few things they can work on to become their best versions of themselves.
Solitary hobbies should be on the ESFJ’s agenda so that they learn to spend time alone and aren’t so reliant on their friends.
They should also try not to be so empathetic to their friend’s needs, as this can be exhausting and crippling to the ESFJ. Creating some emotional distance would mean that the ESFJ would be able to help more people as they wouldn’t suffer from burnout as much.
Initial impressions are all well and good, but the ESFJ should learn not to emphasize these first impressions and rather slowly make sense of who their new friend is as the relationship progresses.
Lastly, they should realize that they will never be able to please everyone. The failure to please all affects the ESFJ, and they take it to heart. The faster they accept that not everyone will be amiable, the better!
Fun Facts About The ESFJ
The ESFJ is an intriguing mix of goody two shoes and a social butterfly. However, there is a lot more to them than this, as evidenced by these interesting facts about ESFJs:
- ESFJs enjoy the greatest marital satisfaction.
- They are the personality type with the highest satisfaction with their co-workers.
- They are among the most probable to remain in college.
- Drug and alcohol abuse issues are less common in ESFJs than in other personality types.
- They report among the highest job satisfaction of all types.
- They are the second most likely to believe in a higher spiritual power.
- ESFJs are overrepresented in careers in religion, health care, and education.
- Their stress coping mechanisms are extensive.
Conclusion
ESFJs, like anyone, are not perfect. They can be judgmental and defensive when criticized. However, that’s not all there is to them. They are friendly people and loyal friends who will do anything to protect you.
