Sometimes referred to as “protagonists,” ENFJs are known for being thoughtful and idealistic people that believe it is their duty in life to assist others and achieve their goals with a dedication to their ideas, values, and creativity. So why do some people find ENFJs to be controlling and overbearing?
ENFJs are altruistic people concerned about the greater good and enjoy taking a leadership role in achieving these noble goals. However, because ENFJs can be overly confident in their beliefs and values, they may control and silence dissenting voices to accomplish these goals.
To better understand why other personalities believe ENFJs are controlling and overbearing, we will first unpack what is said about ENFJs. Where after, the eight ENFJ traits which can make them controlling and overbearing people will be explored:
Why Do Some People Find ENFJs Controlling And Overbearing?
While ENFJ manipulation is right or justified, there is an underlying reason for this behavior that often comes from a place of misguided compassion. Generally speaking, ENFJs are very kind and caring people that want to assist others by taking charge.
Consequently, ENFJs may stamp their authority and enforce strict rules at the expense of others’ freedom of expression and actions. Alternatively, ENFJs may engage in manipulating and controlling behavior to coerce enough people to their side, to override and overrule the opinions of others.
ENFJs can often be crafty in this manipulation and control, meaning rather than imposing their will on others, they may subtly steer a conversation or cause of action per their values and beliefs while using their charisma to make people believe they came to this cause of action organically.
In conclusion, while such behavior is unacceptable and shouldn’t be tolerated by others, it is crucial to understand this control as a toll by ENFJs to guide and assist others and not as a way of causing harm to others.
What ENFJ Traits Make Them Controlling And Overbearing?
There are eight ENFJ traits (both strengths and weaknesses) that can result in them becoming controlling and overbearing people:
- ENFJs are passionate,
- ENFJs are altruistic,
- ENFJs are natural leaders,
- ENFJs are unrealistic,
- ENFJs are condescending,
- ENFJs are intense,
- ENFJs are overly sensitive to feedback,
- ENFJs are comfortable with conflict
1. ENFJs Are Passionate
ENFJs are passionate about their goals, belief, hobbies, and interests, whereby they focus their ambitions and interests on assisting others with focus and determination.
Consequently, this passion can develop into a controlling or overbearing personality that will override or manipulate others to see their ambitions come to fruition.
2. ENFJs Are Altruistic
ENFJs believe in harnessing the abilities of others into a collective force for the greater good. Although this is a positive and noble trait, it often comes with the caveat that the ENFJ will set the rules, standards, and actions by which the group should strive toward these lofty goals.
Consequently, ENFJs are happy to silence dissenting opinions and overrule people for the greater good.
3. ENFJs Are Natural Leaders
ENFJs are charismatic, determined, and inspired, making them natural leaders that people gravitate towards. ENFJs are aware of the influence they have on others and believe this influence needs to be directed to singular actions to achieve particular goals in accordance with their ideas and values.
Therefore, dissenting voices may be threatened and spoken over by the ENFJ with little to no resistance from the larger group.
4. ENFJs Are Unrealistic
ENFJs set themselves lofty goals, whereby they want to be of assistance to everyone. However, these unrealistic goals mean ENFJs carry burdens, duties, and responsibilities that no single person could realistically achieve.
In response to these limitations, ENFJs are willing to use manipulative and controlling tactics to bend others to their will, as an extension of themselves and to help achieve their goals.
5. ENFJs Are Condescending
ENFJs are often cited as excellent teachers, as they have a passion for equipping other people with the necessary skills to fend for themselves, thus continuing the ENFJ’s legacy of contributing to the greater good.
However, these teaching strategies can lead to ENFJs being condescending and dismissive of their students’ dissenting beliefs, ambitions, values, and goals.
6. ENFJs Are Intense
ENFJs are constantly looking for ways to grow and improve themselves, often putting immense pressure on themselves in the process. Because ENFJs expect this same level of self-criticism/self-reflection from others, they are sometimes insensitive to the development of others.
Consequently, ENFJs may pressure people to leave their comfort zones or engage in activities they are not prepared for, interested in, or afraid to perform.
7. ENFJs Are Overly Sensitive To Feedback
While ENFJs enjoy positive feedback and use that to improve themselves, some ENFJs are uncomfortable with negative feedback, as they see it as an attack on their values and authority.
Therefore, some ENFJs use controlling/manipulative behavior to put people in a position where they are uncomfortable/incapable of giving negative feedback to the ENFJ. Alternatively, ENFJs can be overbearing and dismissive of the other’s opinions, thus denying the content of the negative feedback.
8. ENFJs Are Comfortable With Conflict
While other personality types may avoid asserting their will on others or avoid controlling others for fear of rejection and conflict, ENFJs are willing to face conflict if it means they can root out people who are not ready to join their cause.
Consequently, this comfortable relationship with conflict means ENFJs are unafraid of the consequences of their actions.
How Can ENFJs Stop Being Controlling And Overbearing?
Because ENFJs use controlling and overbearing behavior as a misguided tool for achieving the greater good, ENFJs should take the time to garner consensus over group decisions before putting plans into action.
ENFJs that do this will likely see that controlling and overbearing behavior runs contrary to their goals and will receive dissenting voices that can be woven into a collective plan they can take charge of!
Conclusion
In conclusion, although some ENFJs can be overbearing and controlling, it mostly comes from a place of goodwill and a desire to help others. Therefore, ENFJs and people should be aware of this behavior and take the time to determine alternative methods to achieve this noble goal together!
