INTPs are constantly thinking about something and often get lost in their own thoughts. They can spend hours on end living in a daydream of questions, ideas, and insights. Their constant thinking can make them seem detached or uninterested in the world around them and often make them oblivious to others’ needs. INTPs may appear selfish, but they actually aren’t.
INTPs are not selfish but are often misunderstood to be. INTPs live in their heads, making it seem like they are distracted or uninterested. Their minds are constantly consumed by thoughts and ideas, causing them to forget or ignore the outside world and other people unintentionally.
INTPs sometimes offend people with their conventional behavior and often get accused of being self-centered. But just because they live in their minds most of the time doesn’t mean they are selfish. Read on to find out why INTPs come across as selfish when, in fact, the opposite is true.
Are INTPs Selfish And Self-Centred?
INTPs are assumed to be selfish, but actually, they are not. They appear to be unphased about what’s happening around them, making them seem self-absorbed. However, the truth is that typical INTPs tend to live in their own heads, constantly distracted by their own thoughts or ideas.
Although INTPs don’t mean to be selfish, their personality can, unfortunately, sometimes portray the opposite. When INTPs come across as selfish, it is most likely due to them being too busy collecting information or solving problems in their heads than noticing the needs of those around them.
Reasons Why INTPs Come Across As Selfish To Others
INTPs have certain behaviors and habits that can make others believe them to be selfish. However, understanding why INTPs behave the way they do will help clarify the issue.
1. They Prefer Being Alone
Because INTPs focus all their mental energy internally, it can make them seem out of touch with the outside world, including people who want their attention. Due to their introverted nature, INTPs would rather spend their time being alone with their thoughts than in the company of others. However, when they eventually come out of their cave, they are usually warm and friendly and like having interesting conversations with those around them.
2. They Prefer Having Fewer Friends
INTPs don’t like investing in casual friendships that aren’t meaningful. For this reason, some people may feel excluded and assume that INTPs don’t like them or don’t care about them. INTPs can be great friends but prefer smaller, more intimate circles of friends. They are picky about where they invest their time and energy.
Once INTPs have their group of friends, they will remain very loyal to these friends and will put a lot of effort into each relationship. Those who are friends with INTPs will argue that INTPs are caring and affectionate and not at all selfish like the rest of the world often perceives them to be.
3. They Tend To Be Forgetful
INTPs may seem selfish due to their forgetfulness. But if they forget to do something for you or perhaps forget a birthday or a coffee date, it is not because they are selfish and do not care. They most likely just had so much going on in their heads that day that they simply forgot to follow through with the plan.
Being friends with an INTP may require a bit more patience than other personality types because INTPs may need a bit more reminding than other personality types.
4. They Rarely Ask For Or Take Advice
INTPs don’t like it when others do their thinking for them – they would much rather come up with a solution themselves. They don’t like depending on others for things since they feel they would be able to handle the matter much quicker on their own (and they usually do). That is just who they are.
If an INTP trusts you enough to ask you for advice, you better make sure it is good advice! The only time an INTP will ask for help is when they really can’t figure something out on their own. As the saying goes – “Drastic times call for desperate measures.”
5. They Are Extremely Independent
INTPs like doing things on their own, as independently of others as they possibly can. They rarely ask for favors and will only do so if it is absolutely necessary. They will always try to do something themselves before considering the services of others.
INTPs like knowing they can do things themselves with very little outside help. If they don’t know how to do something, their problem-solving ability kicks in, and they thoroughly enjoy the process of coming up with a solution.
How To Deal With A “Selfish” INTP
Healthy INTPs are innovative, creative, excellent at grasping new concepts, and very good at solving complex problems. They are always full of fresh, new ideas and are usually flexible and easy-going.
However, some INTPs function as “unhealthy” INTPs and can become quite challenging to deal with or be friends with. Below we have listed some problems you may encounter with an INTP and ways to deal with them.
1. They Don’t Appreciate Your Advice
If your INTP friend or partner doesn’t seem to care for your advice, don’t take it to heart or become too offended. It’s not that they don’t appreciate your advice – they just don’t think they need it and would instead find a solution themselves. If they don’t find a solution themselves, you can be sure that they will turn back to you for advice.
Solution: Leave INTPs to solve their own problems. Only give them advice when they ask for it.
2. They Isolate Themselves
People who don’t engage with others or don’t take an interest in what others are doing are labeled selfish, and they are to some degree. INTPs will often isolate themselves to be with their thoughts and neglect their families and close friends.
Solution: Reach out to INTPs more often than you would other friends. INTPs value friendship and don’t purposely forget about you. Sometimes they just need someone to remind them that there is an outside world waiting for them to emerge from their “inner sanctum” of thoughts.
3. They Talk About Themselves Too Much
Some INTPs will drive you crazy when it comes to conversation. Because INTPs are so full of ideas and always looking to discover something new, they tend to only focus on that and forget that the person in front of them also has something to share. They can ramble on and on about a new revelation they had or about their thoughts and often forget to take an interest in what those around them are doing or saying.
Solution: INTPs need to make a conscious effort to get out of their heads and constant thinking. If you’re a close friend of an INTP, then gently remind them that what others have to say is important too.
Can An INTP Be Selfless?
INTPs typically keep to themselves and can often be seen sitting by themselves, dreaming up something new that only they know about for a while. But have you ever thought that maybe some of the millions of thoughts swirling around in an INTP’s head might be about someone else or people they care about?
An INTP can indeed be selfless, especially with those they deeply care about.
INTPs are good listeners and get really invested in what you’re telling them. They also care about the details and often ask a lot of questions. If you need someone to vent to or ask for advice from, then an INTP is one of the best types of people to go to.
INTPs are very understanding when it comes to others needing some space or time alone since they also have a more introverted nature. They value time and won’t unnecessarily take up more of your time than you want them to. An INTP won’t pressure you to spend time with them, even if they’re lonely.
An INTP loves exploring new ideas and possibilities. Tell an INTP about your dreams, and you will have one of the best supporters and encouragers ever! INTPs love helping others reach their potential and will help you find creative solutions to any problems or obstacles standing in your way. INTPs will dream with you and share in the excitement of pursuing your dreams, no matter how impossible they may seem. You can leave it to an INTP to find a way.
Conclusion
Things are not always what they seem, especially when it comes to the INTP, having one of the rarest and most misunderstood personality types on the Myers-Briggs personality spectrum. An INTP may seem selfish, but as you can gather from the above information, that is far from the truth. Once you put in the effort to truly understand an INTP, you will realize that they are not selfish but rather creative dreamers with an insane amount of thoughts and feelings.
