Sometimes referred to as “mediators” or “healers,” INFPs are idealists guided by core values and beliefs. Consequently, INFPs are seldom concerned with the mundane of everyday life and adherence to a stagnate status quo. Bearing these traits in mind, why don’t INFPs like small talk?
INFPs are deeply empathetic people that enjoy talking about larger and grander ideas such as justice, fate, love, fear, and hope. Often, these abstract discussions are accompanied by the signature flair and creativity of INFPs. In contrast, small talk is seen as a waste of time by INFPs.
Understanding why INFPs don’t like small talk involves a deeper understanding and discussion of INFP traits. Once these have been discussed and analyzed, it is worth examining how other personalities can be more accommodating around INFPs (and visa-versa):
Why Don’t INFPs Like Small Talk?
INFPs are sensitive, caring, and compassionate people that are often concerned with personal growth and the well-being of others.
Consequently, INFPs are known to focus their energy and creativity on internal dialogues and prefer to express their thoughts and feelings with like-minded people.
Therefore, INFPs do not enjoy redirecting their energy and focus toward smaller details, which they consider insignificant in the grand scheme of things, particularly concerning their idealist beliefs and hopes for a more inclusive future.
INFP traits that make them disinterested in small talk include:
- INFPs are empathetic toward others and their beliefs,
- INFPs value close relationships,
- INFPs prefer looking at the bigger picture,
- INFPs are overly idealistic,
- INFPs are emotionally vulnerable.
INFPs Are Empathetic Toward Others And Their Beliefs
INFPs are concerned with understanding people’s beliefs, values, goals, and ambitions. The reason is that INFPs are empathetic people interested in how they can be of assistance to others and/or how others intend to reach self-actualization in their own lives.
Consequently, small talk surrounding smaller events distracts from a person’s core beliefs that are of interest to an INFP while adding/little to nothing to conversations regarding more significant, grander ideas.
INFPs Value Close Relationships
Because INFPs are introverted people who value close, intermit relationships rather than being surrounded by multiple acquaintances, they prefer to use their limited pool of social energy for genuine conversations to ignite and expand a relationship, rather than simply engaging in small talk.
INFPs Prefer Looking At The Bigger Picture
INFPs enjoy thinking and discussing large ideas like justice, loyalty, the strength of character, hopes, ambitions, and fears. These abstract ideas require individuals to encapsulate large, expansive views and sources into condescended, manageable spaces.
The mental and emotional energy, strength, and will to undergo thought experiments of this caliber means that INFPs will gladly omit minor details and little pieces of information found in small talk.
INFPs Are Overly Idealistic
Given that INFPs inhabit a world that is (at times) unresponsive to their lofty ideas, goals, ambitions, and thoughts.
INFPs can become disheartened by the absurdity and neutrality of the universe, whereby grand ideas of justice, fate, love, and fear may just be pointless human endeavors in the grand scheme of things.
Consequently, when forced to engage in small talk, INFPs may view this pointless activity as an affirmation of their fears nothing matters, and their deep and creative inner monologues hold little to no sway in the grander scheme of things.
INFPs Are Emotionally Vulnerable
While INFPs are introverted people that often prefer working alone, they are quick to open up and show deep levels of empathy to those that they care about.
Consequently, this act of opening up and making oneself emotionally vulnerable can result in INFPs being hurt if they believe that more profound, more interesting conversations are being ignored and dismissed in favor of small talk – or worse – in favor of mean-spirited gossip.
What Do INFPs Like To Talk About?
While INFPs are idealistic people that enjoy contemplating grand and abstract ideas, they are also creative people that want the stories and emotes surrounding these ideas. Consequently, INFPs are not serious people, despite their enjoyment of serious topics.
To illustrate why INFPs enjoy a unique combination between fun stories and serious, abstract topics, look no further than some famous INFPs throughout history:
- J.R.R Tolkien,
- William Shakespeare,
- Bjork,
- Johnny Depp,
- Princess Diana,
- Kurt Cobain,
- John Lennon.
How Should INFPs Deal With Small Talk?
One of the best ways INFPs can deal with small talk is to understand that small talk is seldom the topic of any conversation; instead, small talk is simply an opener among people where more interesting conversations can flow.
Therefore, instead of seeing small talk as a burden, INFPs should consider small talk as an opportunity to look for common interests between themselves and others and to expand on them.
For example, if an INFP has a conversation with someone and they engage in small talk with a simple question like “what movies do you enjoy?” the INFP should not just answer the question by listing a movie they enjoy.
Instead, the INFP should take the initiative to steer the conversation in a more exciting direction by stating what movies they enjoy and then explaining the themes that interest them in the film.
An example of a good reply would be, “I enjoy the Matrix movies since they make us question our own reality. Is that something you ever think about?”
Although this may take practice and the assistance of others, since INFPs can sometimes be shy and introverted, this is an excellent method of using small talk to their advantage!
How Can Other Personality Types Be Social With INFPs?
Similarly, when other personality types find themselves in the presence of someone they suspect may be an INFP, they should be accommodating by pre-empting the INFP’s discomfort with small talk and shifting the conversation to more exciting topics organically.
For example, instead of asking, “what do you do for a living?” add to the question by saying something like “what would your dream job be and why?”
Conclusion
In conclusion, while it may appear at face value that INFPs are cold or disinterested because they do not enjoy small talk, this is seldom the case.
Instead, INFPs are profoundly empathetic and interested people that prefer forming deep relationships and bonds between people rather than spending their emotional time and energy discussing meaningless events.
