If you have ever been around an INFJ or know of one, you are probably well aware of how hard they can be on themselves. They are some of the most kind, compassionate, understanding, and empathetic human beings to others, so why are INFJs so hard on themselves?
INFJs are so hard on themselves because they have very high expectations of perfectionism. They put extra pressure on themselves and have a powerful sense of a higher purpose. They have strong moral values and feel a deep responsibility for others’ emotions which they take upon themselves to solve.
INFJs can feel a lot of pressure because they tend to self-inflict high expectations for perfectionism. They carry the responsibility for things that might not be theirs to take on and feel deep guilt and shame when they don’t achieve. Read on to find out why INFJs are so hard on themselves.
Why Are INFJs Hard On Themselves?
The INFJ personality is one of the most complex Myers-Briggs Type Indicators. They feel immense pressure to live up to certain expectations, and when they don’t achieve their desired potential, they self-inflict guilt and shame.
Here is why INFJs put pressure on themselves:
INFJS have high expectations of themselves
An INFJ holds incredibly high expectations of themselves. They are perfectionists, which is the number one reason they feel disappointed. They will carry out tasks to the best of their ability and make sure they get everything done to perfection.
They often have such high expectations that their perfectionism can hold them back. INFJs tend to procrastinate because they realize they cannot reach perfection or wait until they are sure it is possible. They will beat themselves up for not completing tasks and missing or rushing deadlines. They feel overwhelmed when they cannot reach their own standards.
INFJs want to please others
INFJs immensely care about the well-being of others and what others think about them. They want everyone to be happy and avoid conflict. They can be people-pleasers even if they dislike something they have to do. If you hurt them, they will most likely withdraw from you but will not confront you and then question their entire being for their role, even if it is not their fault.
INFJs tend to feel that a situation can be avoided if they do better. They feel deep guilt and shame if something goes wrong or someone is hurt. They feel the need to live up to people’s expectations of them even if it is unreasonable or goes against their values. They will pull away from the relationship to save it but still question their every action, decision, and reaction.
INFJs dislike feeling vulnerable
INFJs don’t like to appear as vulnerable people. They have high walls to keep people out, holding firm boundaries. They are terrified of getting hurt. INFJs are emotional and sensitive, but they don’t share their feelings with others. They prefer to withdraw from the world and process their thoughts alone in their own time and space.
There are times when an INFJ will give in to the courage of vulnerability. When they do, they start to feel immense guilt around it. They question themselves; they dissect every word they might have said. They wonder what people think of them, and it quickly turns to regret. They start to wish they had said nothing and self-loathe for feeling like a nag or complaining.
An INFJ who feels vulnerable will feel guilt for piling on others. They shame themselves for their feelings and start to question if their emotions are real or if they are overthinking. They seek connection with people but dislike people knowing their deep thoughts. It is a back-and-forth battle that INFJs fight with themselves daily.
INFJs need to have control
An INFJ has a requirement to feel in control. When they have control, they feel most happy and safe. An uncontrolled environment, unpredictability, and spontaneity can send an INFJ into panic mode. They will get super stressed out, and their anxiety will reach its peak.
INFJs will typically keep schedules, planners, calendars, notes, and reminders for everything. They can even over-plan and usually need to know every aspect from time, location, guest lists, guest count, food options, and event schedule before attending social events. When something goes against the way they expected, planned, or anticipated, they feel overwhelmed.
The overwhelm will leave them questioning their every move. INFJs will feel like they should have done better, asked more questions, researched more, and been more prepared overall. They are highly sensitive to change and will feel like a failure if they lose control of a situation or if something doesn’t work out as they thought it would,
INFJs are overthinkers
INFJs are extreme overthinkers and over-analyze every situation, every conversation, and decision. The overthinking can send them into a world of worry – usually unnecessarily. They are highly intuitive, which typically acts as a positive characteristic, but sometimes their intuition causes them to predict the worst outcome. They feel responsible for salvaging what might happen.
If they cannot save or fix something that may have happened or might still happen, they beat themselves up for feeling they should have known better. An INFJ will take responsibility and feel apologetic even if what happens is out of their control. INFJs are deep thinkers and sometimes cause themselves more pain and stress through their thoughts.
Why Do INFJs Blame Themselves?
INFJs find it incredibly difficult to ask for help. When an INFJ is doing everything, they only have themselves to blame. They also don’t like confrontation, so they avoid seeking assistance to prevent having to blame someone else. They would instead take every responsibility on their own shoulders, and if something fails, they can beat themselves up about it instead of others.
INFJs are also highly intuitive. They can precisely predict future situations and are often highly accurate. They will make decisions and take actions based on their gut instincts. If something does not go according to what they anticipated, they are hard on themselves for not figuring it out and doing better research or planning for other possible outcomes.
Conclusion
INFJs are hard on themselves because they are intuitive perfectionists who take responsibility for every situation upon themselves. It is a draining mental habit but feels worth it when they achieve their goal.
