When an INFJ is sad, it can feel like the whole world is falling apart. They are often the backbone of relationships and always seem independent, confident, strong, and emotionally mature, so when an INFJ is down or in a dark place, it tends to worry others because INFJs withdraw and need to be alone, and people don’t understand what to do. Here is a step-by-step guide on how to help a sad INFJ.
- Give them space
- Learn their approach
- Ask them if you can help
- Be a listening ear
- Give them a shoulder to rely on
- Be someone they can trust
- Only advise them with their permission
- Get permission before showing physical affection
- Do something they will love
- Approach a professional if needed
INFJs are complex individuals. Their rare personality type is not easily understood or relatable, and they are also massive introverts. They feel highly misunderstood and don’t open up to others about their feelings. It can be challenging to navigate how to help an INFJ who is sad or going through a difficult time. The step-by-step guide will help you approach a sad INFJ to work through things effectively.
Step #1: Give The INFJ Space To Process Their Emotions
If you want to help an INFJ who is sad, it is crucial to give them space, especially if you notice that they retreat to themselves. Unless it is apparent that they want you to help as soon as possible, provide them with time to be alone. They are intuitive introverts who thrive on time and space alone. They need to understand and process their emotions without any external opinions.
Allowing an INFJ that time will be better for their healing process because they will most likely come out of their dark place by themselves once they have had the time to realize why they are going through the current situation in their lives. The INFJ will probably approach you once they are ready to come “out of hiding,” and they will be themselves again.
If you push an INFJ too far and try to get them to open up or get over whatever they are going through, you might cause them to withdraw further and push you away. The INFJ will lose trust in you, and they might even get angry or more upset than they were.
Step #2: Learn INFJs Approach To Dealing With Emotions
Before you can help an INFJ through sadness or any issues they may be having, it is essential to take some time to learn their sentiments properly. You could research the personality type or talk to another INFJ to find out the best approach to dealing with a sad INFJ. It is best to do this while you give an INFJ their withdrawal time so you can be ready when they come out of it.
Learn the methods that will be helpful, for example, whether INFJs like to discuss their problems or not, if they prefer receiving advice, or do they like hugs. Find out if they will need a distraction, gifts, food, or just need you to spend time with them. Remember, everyone is different, and not all INFJs will want the same thing, but getting a general idea can be extremely helpful in understanding the one you are dealing with.
Remember that INFJs are intuitive introverts. They can predict an outcome and are also excellent at finding logical solutions. They usually don’t need help but want support and someone they can trust and lean on in challenging times. INFJs prefer emotional support but don’t want to get too personal either.
Step #3: Ask The INFJ If You Could Help Them
When the INFJ finally comes out of their shell, you can now use the things you have learned to help them. Always find out from the INFJ if they actually need or want help. An INFJ does not like anyone prying into their matters or forcing assistance where they don’t want or need it. If you do that, you could push the INFJ away.
Sometimes even if the INFJ wants help, they might resist. If that happens, don’t force the situation. Instead, let them know you will be happy to help if they need you. You could also make suggestions like whether you should get them food, fill the bath, pick up their groceries, etc. INFJs might be reluctant to ask for help but will probably agree to be helped if you offer them practical solutions.
Step #4: Be A Listening Ear To The INFJ
Once you have established a foundation of trust by showing the INFJ that you can and will be helpful, they will feel more comfortable with you. If an INFJ is sad, they often want to talk about it but find it tremendously difficult to trust people with their emotions. They also likely already have their own solutions after taking the time to process their feelings, but they like to air everything out by talking about the situation.
If you get to this point with an INFJ, show them that you will be a listening ear. Ensure that they know you will not judge them or add your opinions they did not ask for. Show interest when they talk. Your expression and body language should show that you care about what they are saying and really listen. Acknowledge their thoughts and validate their feelings. It creates a foundation of trust.
Step #5: Be A Shoulder That The INFJ Can Rely On
When an INFJ is going through something that makes them feel down, they usually need someone they can rely on. Someone that won’t let them down. It takes immense courage for an INFJ to ask for help because it makes them vulnerable, and they despise that feeling.
If they request it, and you let them down or don’t show up, they will feel like they have bothered you or you don’t care enough. INFJs always show up when others need them, so someone letting them down in their time of need can be seriously disheartening.
You cannot help an INFJ get through sadness if they don’t feel safe with you. No matter how hard you try, if they are afraid that you will not show up, they will probably resist your help. Being able to rely on someone will get an INFJ through challenging situations much faster.
Step #6: Be Someone An INFJ Can Trust With Their Feelings
If an INFJ opens up to you after you build a foundation of trust, always maintain that confidence level. Breaking an INFJs trust will result in them “slamming the door on you.” That means they will shut you out for good. Once you break an INFJs trust, there is no going back; they will never trust you again.
If you want to help an INFJ get through a difficult time, and you want to help them navigate through to the other side, they should be able to feel like they can tell you anything. It would work out best if you never discussed what they tell you with others, nor should you be judgmental of them. INFJs are their own biggest critics, so they need to feel like you support them and understand what they are going through.
Step #7: Only Give An INFJ Advice If They Ask
If an INFJ opens up to you and lets you in on their feelings, secrets, thoughts, and ideas, try to avoid adding your opinions until and unless they ask for advice. If they ask you what you think or suggest they should do, t If they ask you a question and wait for a response, that is your green light to share what you think.
If you have something productive to say, always ask the INFJ if they would like to hear what you think or if they want your advice instead of blurting it out. You should also avoid talking about yourself or others at that moment because the INFJ will feel like you are invalidating or taking away from their experience.
Step #8: Only Show Physical Affection With Permission
When someone is sad, most people’s first instinct is to go in for a hug, cuddle, or hand-holding session. Physical affection is generally a fantastic way to dissolve heartache and negative emotions. For an INFJ, it can be quite the opposite. Many INFJs despise the idea of physical touch, especially when they are not in the mood or the right mindset.
Always get permission from an INFJ before you offer any physical touch. Ask them if they would like a hug or if they want to be cuddled. Sometimes they will tell you no, and other times they will mention they are not yet ready but maybe after a little while. If you are someone they are close to or feel super comfortable being around, they might accept the offer, and it will make them genuinely happy.
Step #9: Do Something The INFJ Will Love
Another excellent way to help an INFJ that is sad or going through any challenging situation is by offering something they love. That could be a gift they might like, ordering their favorite takeout, booking a spa treatment, watching a movie they would like, or taking them out on an enjoyable experience.
Sometimes a little distraction or change in environment is all an INFJ needs to get through their sadness and process their stressful situation. A small, simple gesture like reminding them why they are unique individuals or playing their favorite song can make them happy. You could do something more like taking them to the arcade or going on a hike, depending on the INFJ and their sentiments.
INFJs are often the ones that go out of their way for others. They are people-pleasers by nature. They care deeply and love hard. Their effort and actions toward others are not always reciprocated, even though many times it’s because their guard is always up as self-protection.
An INFJ is sometimes their own biggest enemy, which is why it can be challenging to help them. They need others to be there for them, and they want to build genuine connections with people who love them back as much as they love others. Showing INFJs that you care about them and think of them can make them thrilled and lift the sadness out of them.
Step #10: Help The INFJ Approach A Professional If Needed
If you have done everything you could to help an INFJ get through their sadness but notice nothing is helping, it may be time to get outside help. INFJs are also highly prone to depression, so if they dwell on their sadness for too long, it could be detrimental to their mental health.
If you pick up signs of depression and anxiety in an INFJ, the next best thing you can do is ensure they get professional help. You can find a coach, counselor, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or any mental health practitioner for them. Drive them to their appointments, ask them if they need support through it, and avoid prying if you notice they don’t want to tell you about it.
Professional help is the best way to help someone going through dark times. You may want to be the person who helps them get through it or get over it, but you might just make the situation worse and harm your relationship with them. Instead, you can support them by being present and available when they need you or ask for your help.
Conclusion
The steps are a guideline on helping a sad INFJ through challenging situations. Every INFJ will deal with things in their own way and need different things. You can try your best to be there for your INFJ having a hard time with the above point, but remember that if the situation is beyond you, it is best and essential to find a professional for the INFJ to work with.
