Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking Judging (INTJ) personalities are analysts and strategists. They are also known as the Mastermind, the Conceptual Planner, and the Architect. These personalities are at home with facts and systems. Emotions are often a confusing curveball that INTJs struggle to deal with. An emotion as overwhelming as grief can be particularly difficult for INTJs.
INTJs struggle to deal with grief. They may have a delayed onset of grief. Learning about the process of grief and understanding grieving will help INTJs. Creating a private remembrance, writing about their loss, and making time to process emotions can help.
How Do INTJs Deal With Grief?
Grief can be a completely derailing experience for someone who battles to factor in the toll that emotions can take. INTJ personalities are excellent at finding solutions, making the facts and figures work, and implementing a system. Grief arrives as an unpredictable tornado, tearing life apart and turning plans upside down.
INTJs may be completely taken unawares by grief, struggling to deal with the maelstrom of emotions. They may try to deny the grief or be confused about why they cannot cope with their loss. INTJ personalities may try to reason their way through the emotions using logic, but emotion and logic are not good bedmates.
INTJ people usually have a small circle of friends and family they are close to. If one of their inner circle dies, it impacts the individual harshly as their critical person circle is so small.
INTJs may not understand the way people around them grieve. They may make inappropriate comments or seem unfeeling when faced with someone else’s loss. This tendency is worse in younger INTJs who have had no experience with grief.
13 Healthy Ways To Deal With Grief For INTJs
Grief comes with many confusing and conflicting emotions, besides the sense of loss. Anger, abandonment, fear, guilt, and loneliness may accompany loss. The mourning process aims to accept and deal with all these emotions.
INTJs experience large amounts of stress from these unexpected emotions. Loss is seldom only an individual experience, and accommodating others experiencing the same loss can become too much for an INTJ to deal with.
INTJs need some healthy ways to deal with grieving and loss. Some tips and techniques can help INTJs cope better with grieving and loss.
Understanding Grief Will Help INTJs
People with INTJ personalities need to understand how things work. They cope best when they understand the theory underlying a feeling, concept, event, or occurrence. INTJs may manage grief better if they investigate theories on grief and mourning.
Elisabeth Kübler Ross developed the Five Stages Of Grief, which she explains in her book, On Death And Dying. She proposed this theory during her work with terminally ill patients. The five stages include:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Lois Tonkin’s model of grief is outlined in her article Growing Around Grief. It explains grief as a wound that needs healing.
Margaret Stoebe and Henk Schut proposed The Dual Process Model Of Grief. They address the primary and secondary losses associated with losing someone and the restoration process.
The Four Tasks of Grieving is explained by Dr. J. William Worden.Dr. Therese Rando’s theory is known as the Six Rs of Mourning.
These theories will help someone with an INTJ personality understand themselves and others around them who are also mourning but perhaps differently.
Practical Tips For INTJs That Are Grieving
It is difficult for INTJs to speak about their feelings. Most INTJs are not used to dealing with life on an emotional level. They prefer having a plan and managing concrete goals to negotiating their way through deep emotions.
INTJ people may benefit from writing about their grief and emotions. This can take the form of a once-off written catharsis or a daily or weekly journal. Writing takes abstract feeling and transforms it into something more concrete.
Writing down emotions forces the INTJ to examine and acknowledge grief without the pressure of responding to another person. Pathways Health gives you some guidance on how to start writing during grief.
Although INTJs are not gregarious people with a vast number of friends, they do have a small number of people they are close to. It is helpful for the INTJ to have a conversation regarding grief with someone they are extremely comfortable with.
This friend or family member will probably understand that the INTJ individual is uncomfortable speaking about emotions. Often these friends intuitively facilitate the communication, allowing the INTJ to express themselves without fear of judgment.
INTJs will benefit from alone time during grieving. There should be no guilt that an interlude of quiet solitude is needed.
Scheduling alone time for reflection is often best done while doing something physical. Running, walking, or going for a hike while thinking through grief is helpful for INTJs who prefer action.
If the INTJ is musical or artistic, painting or playing music may be a means of discharging emotion.
The INTJ person must acknowledge and accept all the emotions felt during the grieving process. The INTJ may have times when they feel emotionless, which is also acceptable. It is still part of grieving.
Dealing With The Physical Symptoms Of Grief
Grieving takes a physical toll on health. The INTJ needs to ensure they have enough sleep, eat well and rest when needed. Grief can make someone feel physically ill, and you may need to take painkillers to help with the physical symptoms. Please consult your doctor to assess you and your situation.
Remembrance Is Part Of Mourning
- Creating a way to remember and honor the life of the loved one can help INTJs to acknowledge their grief and loss. This can take varying forms, but here are some ideas:
- Plant a tree or rosebush or some other plant that has meaning.
- Print and frame a photograph of the lost loved one.
- Go on a min-pilgrimage to somewhere that meant something to the deceased person.
- Some botanical gardens allow people to donate a bench with a plaque dedicated to the memory of someone.
- There are internet sites where you can purchase the right to name a star. Some people may choose to do this for their loved one who died.
Conclusion
INTJs find it challenging to navigate their way through emotional ordeals, and grief is something we cannot avoid in life. Having some tools can help make the process easier for INTJs.
