If you are an INFJ and wondering how to find love, when you will find love, why the process can be complicated sometimes, and what you should do, you are not alone. Hundreds of INFJs are searching for answers to their complicated romantic lives. Here is a step-by-step guide on how INFJs find love.
For an INFJ to find authentic love, they should try to focus on themselves and learn self-care and self-love. INFJs need to push themselves to socialize and make the first move. They need to be practical in their choices and make their intentions clear. INFJs should also take time with the process.
INFJs tend to fall hard and fast in love and have incredibly high expectations. They also have difficulty finding people that are right for them because they are introverts and don’t strive to meet new people or socialize. INFJs can find beautiful, authentic, and genuine love if they work towards it.
The INFJs Guide To Finding Love
INFJs desire deep connections with others. When they get into a relationship, they feel like it’s forever. They are not interested in games or going through a series of people before they find the one. They are also intense introverts who find meeting and connecting with people challenging. Below is a list of things INFJs can focus on to find love.
Step #1: Focus On Yourself
One of the essential things anyone can do before finding a romantic partner is to take time alone for self-love, self-care, healing, and learning. If you have mental health challenges or have just come out of a relationship, you need to figure out who you are. If you have never been alone or taken the time to figure out precisely what you want from life and in a partner, you should do that first.
Focusing on yourself could mean simply just being alone for the first time and learning to enjoy spending time alone. It could mean learning something new, healing from mental health struggles, or doing any form of self-care that makes sense to you.
Learning to love and take care of yourself is vital. Before you can give some of yourself to another person, you need to fill your own cup and ensure that you can make yourself happy. If you are capable of being alone and being okay with that, you can be with another person without the relationship turning to codependence.
Step #2: Try To Socialize More
INFJs are extreme introverts. They love connecting with people but thrive on spending time alone. They are highly private people and don’t like sharing personal details or getting too close to people. Interacting with others can get overwhelming for their intuitive introverted characteristics, and choosing to have their walls up and stay guarded is often a form of self-protection.
As an INFJ, if you want to find someone you can build a genuine connection with, you must put yourself out there. You will need to attend more social events which you can join with a couple of friends to feel less awkward. You also need to put in the effort to do things that require you to be out of the house more often.
You don’t have to go to places you don’t enjoy but maybe join a gym class, take an onsite course, or ditch online shopping and go to the mall for your groceries. Sometimes you have to push your own boundaries and do activities away from home even when you don’t feel like it. If you choose things you genuinely enjoy, you are more likely to connect with people with similar interests.
Step #3: Try To Make The First Move
Always remember that it is okay to make the first move. You may feel like you can’t do that as an introvert. You may also feel unwilling because you fear criticism, judgment, and rejection. You want to protect yourself, so you would rather stay in the shadows, which can also look like you are unapproachable.
Once you have managed to get out of your home and around others, you want to try being the one who approaches someone. You can make eye contact, say hello, or offer a compliment. You can do anything that could start a possible conversation. If you go to a social gathering and sit in one corner alone, the likelihood of you meeting someone is low. People might think you are too shy or unfriendly.
Remember that as an INFJ, you are brilliant at making friends and building genuine connections. As much as you prefer being alone, you also thrive or have authentic relationships. But you will not always have these connections if someone else approaches you; you must make a move and connect with others first.
Step #3: Be Practical
Having high standards is not a negative thing. If anything, it is great to not settle for less than what you deserve; however, INFJs sometimes have unrealistic expectations. INFJs hold themselves to extremely high standards and give themselves entirely to the people they care about. If they feel close to someone or fall in love, they will completely surrender themselves to the person.
Sometimes the effort of an INFJ is not reciprocated. Other times, INFJs won’t accept someone because they cannot be everything that the INFJ expects. INFJs are perfectionists; unfortunately, they also tend to look for perfection in others. They have difficulty accepting flaws or understanding why someone is not exactly as the INFJ expects them to be.
An INFJ should realize that it is necessary to be practical and think logically. No one is perfect, and not every romantic partner can fulfill every need or wish they have. People cannot tick every box because there will be flaws present, and it is more important to find someone who respects you and is willing to grow. Finding love is finding someone who will be there even in the challenging moments.
Step #4: Be Intentional
INFJs sometimes have unrealistic expectations in more than one way. For example, they won’t directly express how they feel about someone and expect the person to read their minds. If you want to find love, or you have found someone you might be interested in, it is essential to make your intentions clear.
INFJs are not easy to read. Frankly, INFJs have pretty complex personalities and are sometimes difficult to understand. They keep their guard up, hoping others will express themselves first. But sometimes, that can lead to issues because the people around them think the INFJ is not interested.
If you like someone or plan to pursue a relationship, be clear about your intentions to that person. It could be super helpful if the person was unsure if you like them or not. Letting your walls down occasionally and expressing your feelings is okay. If someone knows your intentions, they will also be more intentional with you.
Step #5: Take Your Time
Even though INFJs are super self-protective and keep their walls up, they go all in exceptionally quickly when they find an interest or fall in love. INFJs don’t like to waste time, so once they have let their guard down, they will not waste any time. If an INFJ gets into a relationship, it’s usually with the intention of forever. They don’t care about playing the field.
INFJs often get hurt because of that. Not everyone feels the same way and might get overwhelmed with the speed at which INFJs move. It is necessary to be clear about your intentions, but it is also necessary to understand that the situation may not always turn out as you expect it to.
The whole process of finding love should be slow and steady. Sometimes it can happen quickly, but you shouldn’t rush it if it doesn’t occur naturally. Don’t base your life on finding love with a romantic partner. Take the time to learn about yourself and love yourself first. Once you find what you are looking for, take your time to enjoy the process while it happens.
Can INFJs Find Love?
INFJs can most definitely find love. They love being in love and the idea of love. INFJs are obsessed with the fairytale perception of love. They are also logical and know that things cannot always work that way, but when INFJS look for love, they search for their soulmate – their forever person.
Many INFJs have beautiful and successful romantic partnerships – some have been married for decades, so they are highly capable of finding love. INFJs are best paired with extroverted personality types like ENFPs and ENTPs. Extroverts are exciting and balance out the introverted side. They are stimulating and help INFJs feel comfortable letting out their extraverted sides.
ENFJs can also be a great fit for INFJs because they are highly similar and can have good conversations. They are both passionate personalities and have similar interests. Conversely, other introverts are also excellent options for INFJs because no one understands an introvert better than another introverted personality type. They get the INFJs need for solitude and follow logic.
The INTJ, INFP, INTP, and even other INFJs can be wonderfully paired together. Your personality type is just your core cognitive functions. How you use those traits is up to you. How you treat your relationships and what you make of them is up to you. INFJs can find love with any personality type if both partners equally put the effort to work hard at maintaining that love and bond.
Do INFJs Fall In Love Easily?
INFJs can be highly guarded and keep themselves from quickly falling in love. That, however, does not mean they don’t fall in love easily. Often, an INFJ will be deep in love but will try to resist it to protect themselves from getting hurt.
INFJs believe in being with someone genuinely, and when they look for love or have someone they might be interested in, they think long-term – forever. They see a future together and will not be able to hold back their feelings for long.
INFJs sometimes take time opening up to someone or expressing themselves; however, they usually fall in love long before they let anyone realize it – sometimes even themselves.
Are INFJs Romantic?
INFJs are hopeless romantics. They believe in love with passion, deep romance, and something beyond imagination. INFJs want a love that is worth their time and will melt their hearts and consume them. They believe that love – as it is in the movies – is real and possible. INFJs often have an idealistic view of love.
They often refuse to settle for anything less than they expect or feel they deserve. INFJs feel every single emotion very profoundly. Most INFJs will seek only their all-encompassing, forever love. The one that will sweep them off their feet and accept the INFJ for who they are, as they are – flaws included.
Are INFJs Codependent?
Not all INFJs are codependent, but the idea comes from the theory that INFJs are more prone to mental health issues like depression. A healthy INFJ will not be codependent, but an emotionally unhealthy INFJ might be. An INFJ who lacks emotional intelligence, does not know and understand themselves, or has been through different life experiences can easily be codependent.
Many successful relationships with INFJs could have thrived in the beginning due to codependency until the INFJ learns and heals from the traumas and inner challenges. INFJs can create one-sided relationships because they are unaware of their mental state. Once they overcome it, they can have mutually beneficial, respectful, and thriving romantic relationships.
Conclusion
INFJs are romantic and passionate individuals who deeply care about those they love. They love the idea of love and want to find their forever person. Sometimes they have challenges finding love because of their introverted side. Still, they can have meaningful relationships if they find love using the guide above while allowing things to unfold naturally.
