Strong principles and ideals rule the INFJ personality. Their inherently moral nature leads them to consider other people’s feelings, and they view their mission in the world as being able to uplift others.
The INFJ personality will be looking for sincerity in your apology. If you keep repeating an offense after apologizing, the INFJ personality may not be as likely to forgive. Finding a quiet place to talk, writing a letter, and actively rectifying your mistakes will show that you are sorry.
INFJs possess insight that is rare in today’s world, and despite their desire for harmony, they cannot be fooled by insincerity. They seek meaningful interactions as opposed to polite but shallow interactions.
What Is The INFJ Door Slam (And How To Deal With It)
If you have gotten yourself in trouble with your INFJ friend, colleague, spouse, or lover, you need to understand why what you did has caused so much hurt or anger. Understanding what’s important in their world is key to a proper apology.
INFJs are very empathetic human beings and are very in tune with their emotions. Most of the anger INFJs feel will be from a perceived injustice to themselves or their loved ones. You have to understand that they have a powerful set of core values that they will defend with everything in their being.
Be prepared for the proverbial door slam once the INFJ has had enough of a particular behavior. These personality types can go cold and distant and eventually shut you out.
“Slamming the door” can be somewhat disconcerting because the usually warm and considerate INFJ changes completely. INFJs will do this to protect their gentle heart. Shutting out people who continue to hurt them is a protective mechanism they use to be able to cope. Sadly this happens after a continued effort to salvage the relationship.
You may have been unintentionally rude to the INFJ by calling them names. This behavior may have been in jest, but the INFJ will not find this funny if you were being heartless and cruel. If you were rude to their family or friends, an apology would also be in order.
Make sure that you understand why your INFJ loved one is feeling wounded. It is not about the actual offense but about the core value you violated. An INFJ has such strong values, and if you want to foster a strong relationship with them, you need to make sure that you don’t violate any of them.
If your actions show that you lack empathy or are dismissive of their ideas and insights, you are causing damage to your friendship. INFJs may take quite a while to become angry, as they are very patient individuals. But don’t be fooled; once you cross the line too many times, forgiveness may become harder to attain.
How Do You Say Sorry To INFJ?
A humble apology followed by a sincere effort to treat them better will be the starting point of placing yourself in the INFJs good graces. Should there be longstanding bad blood, your path to forgiveness has to be earned by your actions rather than your words.
1. Say Sorry Only When You Mean It
When saying sorry to INFJ, less is often more. An angry and upset INFJ struggles with being overstimulated. Putting on a big show, serenading them with music, and delivering tons of flowers is not the way.
The INFJ will be looking first and foremost for sincerity; they want to know that what you did indeed grieves you and that you understand how much you hurt them. Making a big show will come across as superficial and fake.
Finding a quiet, private moment to have an open chat will mean much more. Be honest about the part you played in offending the INFJ. Let them know that you care about them and how causing them pain saddens you.
Don’t say anything that you don’t truly mean. An INFJ will not forbear a dishonest apology. It is better to say you are not sorry than to apologize just because that’s what you think the INFJ wants to hear. You will anger them more should they pick up that you are merely going through the motions of an apology.
2. Give Your INFJ Space After You Say Sorry
Once you have apologized, do not crowd the INFJ for any response. They will need time to process everything. If your relationship has been rocky lately, they may need even more time before they respond to your apology.
Help them understand that you support them and assure them that you will wait until they feel they can find it in their hearts to forgive you. This shows that you do not take what you did lightly.
3. Write A Letter To Say Sorry To Your INFJ
Showing the INFJ their feelings matter and that they are valid is very important. These personalities have such big hearts for their loved ones. So when their hearts break, they are in a lot of pain.
Allowing them the chance to express their negative emotions such as anger, resentment, and hurt will be difficult. Listening to the INFJ may bring the two of you closer as you better understand their inner world.
The INFJ needs to know that you understand exactly why their feelings are hurt. Do not simply say sorry and then rush off. Listen intently when they speak. It would be best if you didn’t retaliate should the INFJ say something you may disagree with at first. Listen only to try and understand their perspective.
INFJs are acutely aware of the emotions of people around them. They are masters at understanding the needs of others, but they need the same understanding from their loved ones.
Deeply wounded INFs may respond well to a thoughtfully written letter. It gives them the time to think things through, and they may feel more comfortable answering in writing rather than in person.
4. Show Your INFJ That You Are Sorry
One of the main things that anger an INFJ is unfulfilled promises. They need to know that they can depend on you. Often there are considerable consequences in the future when someone does not honor an agreement.
Not shouldering your share of household responsibilities may lead to a very burnt-out INFJ with no free time to work on things they values. A work colleague that neglects their role in a project can lead to missed deadlines.
Saying sorry is not enough, especially if it has been an ongoing situation. Your apology will be meaningless if you have not thoughtfully considered how you will remedy the problem.
Be practical by showing them that they can depend on you by fulfilling your commitments. Be honest if you are struggling to shoulder your responsibilities and develop a realistic plan to show them you have given some thought to how you will fix the situation.
Do the dishes, walk the dog, and complete your share of the work project. Show them you understand that you let them down and are willing to do better.
5. Ask Your INFJ How You Can Show You’re Sorry
INFJ’s most vital traits are empathy and sensitivity to others. By the time you decide to apologize, they would have thought through the details of each interaction with you several times. They would try to see whether perhaps they were at fault.
INFJs care deeply about how their loved ones view them. If you have wronged them, do not make them feel as though they in some way deserved it. Do not attempt to explain why what you did was acceptable.
Perhaps there are things in your relationship that require work but do not address this while saying sorry for hurting them. Allow them to heal from the hurt and regain their trust before attempting to rebuild.
Tell them how you think you can be better in the future (and if you are unsure, it’s okay to ask them!). Allow your INFJ time to vent but make sure they know that you do not require forgiveness straight away.
Conclusion
Saying sorry to an INFJ should be a thoughtful process. Before rendering your apology, show them that you understand why what you did cause them so much pain, disappointment, or anger.
Request some time at their convenience at a cozy coffee shop or park, away from big distractions, so that you can talk things through.
Always be sincere and take responsibility for the part you played in the disagreement.
