The INFJ is the rarest and known as the most sensitive personality type. INFJs make up less than 2% of the population, so it’s easy to see why this personality type is often misunderstood. Often mysterious and alluring, the INFJ is highly emotionally intelligent and capable of developing deep and meaningful relationships. Driven by a sense of wanting to change the world, they are incredibly impactful people.

INFJ’s can also be cold and mean. INFJs process the world differently. Their high level of sensitivity means INFJs can find daily life stressful and quickly become overwhelmed. When operating under stress and sensory overload, the darker side of the INFJ can be seen as cold and mean.

INFJs are often considered kind, empathetic and thoughtful people. If you notice an INFJ that is cold and mean, you may be wondering what’s going on in their inner world or if the loving and caring INFJ is just having a bad day. Despite what’s known about INFJs, they are actually more complicated than you think.

Are INFJ’s Known To Be Cold And Mean?

INFJs are known to be reserved due to their introverted nature. Most INFJs go through life feeling lonely and different. They may have difficulty figuring out where they fit in and why others don’t see the world as they do. Often taking the all-or-nothing approach to life, they are planners and value lasting relationships and authenticity.

They generally come across as warm and friendly. But INFJs can be experienced as cold and mean as well. In addition, they are easily overwhelmed and affected by personal relationships more quickly than other personality types.

They can be stressed by their environment and the people around them and become very isolated, cold, blunt, and mean. While this isn’t intentional, it may be their way of processing and letting their feelings come to light.

Why Do INFJ’s Come Across Cold And Mean?

There are a few reasons why INFJs may come across as cold and mean. The main reason is that they are highly sensitive and have to deal with life’s complexities and the extroverted world around them. As a result, they constantly seek to survive in an environment that does not support or understand them.

It’s reasonable to think that they will not cope well with this and eventually have moments where they don’t feel like themselves. These are the reasons why INFJs come across as cold and mean:

  1. INFJs are more prone to anxiety and stress. When INFJs have lots to do in a short timeframe and aren’t able to think about their next step or ponder what’s going on around them, they react by being closed off and mean. The INFJ personality type requires time to process and think, especially when making big decisions. In a fast-paced world and everything is needed now, the environment can make INFJs highly stressed and anxious, making them lash out.
  2. They people, please. As highly sensitive individuals INFJs experience the world on a deeper level; this also means feeling someone else’s emotions. They often people please to their own detriment, wanting to please others even if it inconveniences them. After they have helped those that need help, they feel like they have betrayed themselves. If there is a falling out between an INFJ and someone close to them, they may act cold and mean towards that person.
  3. INFJs feel like they don’t fit in. INFJs always feel that they don’t fit in or are too different from the world they live in. This could make them feel depressed, anti-social, or want to isolate from others. It can be highly exhausting trying to fit in. If an INFJ is going through a rough patch, they could start acting cold and mean to those around them while fighting their inner battles and finding their place in the world.
  4. INFJs are sensitive to violent content. INFJS have a compassionate nature, where violence in movies or harm to animals or others can be highly offensive to them. Because they are so in tune with their feelings, they can place themselves in that same situation.
  5. INFJs can feel other people’s moods and emotions. INFJs can sense other people’s feelings. While this can be a bit eery, it also affects how the INFJ feels. For example, if an INFJ has been to a social event and spoken to many people, you may find they come back in a bad mood. It’s due to the emotions of those around them. And the INFJ not being able to cope with those feelings at once.
  6. INFJS are highly sensitive. Their high sensitivity means they are quickly brought to tears by films and books. Acting out could mean that they were offended by something you said or did. Even if no harm was meant, they often take statements literally because of their sensitive nature. They are most sensitive about something said regarding what they love or about them.
  7. They need lots of time spent alone. INFJs, especially those with a high introversion score, need time alone to recharge. If they don’t get time to recharge, they may get mean or feel very stressed and irritable.
  8. INFJs generally experience sensory overload. Sensory overload can be challenging to manage. INFJS need time to process information in their environment. Too much noise, light, and sound can make them overwhelmed. This can make them withdrawn and need a quiet space to relax and calm down.
  9. If you have betrayed them or offended them. If you have betrayed or offended an INFJ, you can expect them to be withdrawn from you. They may act mean or cold towards you and use avoidance techniques. They take personal relationships very seriously, and while they may forgive, they may not see you in the same way.
  10. Highly perfectionistic. INFJs are highly perfectionistic and put lots of pressure on themselves to succeed. This causes them to become very stressed and emotional when trying to accomplish their goals and when something doesn’t go to plan. Expect INFJs to be highly upset and dismissive when this happens.
  11. Overthinking and has trouble expressing complex emotions. INFJS can complicate situations and always overthink something. Even though most people would consider a problem to have a simple solution, INFJs see more to the problem. When they begin to overthink things, they may expect you to weigh in. Their ability to feel everything much stronger than anyone else also means their complex emotions can leave them feeling cold and mean. And can also make them want to block people out of their lives as a way to cope with all that they are feeling.

The A Dark Side And Door Slam Of An INFJ Personality

The INFJ can have a dark side. When an INFJ is under stress or operating on the negative side of their personality, you may see glimpses of stubbornness, extremely unrealistic expectations, and moodiness. But unfortunately, they are also prone to become critical and cannot express negative emotions.

This amplifies the INFJ’s negative feelings and can even result in them having an explosive outburst. While this is not the norm for INFJs, it can be seen when they are at breaking point.

You may have heard of the INFJ door slam. When an INFJ quickly and sometimes abruptly cuts you out of their life, it’s known as the door slam. They only do this in situations where they have been significantly hurt. If they do talk to you, they will be emotionless and cold.

Conclusion

INFJs can be cold and mean, but this is only when faced with circumstances that overwhelm them or if they have been hurt or offended. INFJs are often misunderstood and feel like they don’t fit in. Most INFJs are warm and kind and want to help make the world a better place.

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