This personality type from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is recognized as being outgoing, impulsive, friendly, and flirtatious. These attributes may seem attractive at a glance. But does their competitive nature and flair for the dramatic leave them open to being controlling and possessive?
ESTPs are not controlling or possessive. Attempts may be made to control people, and their passionate personalities may be misconstrued as possessive, but they are not the type to be tied down in any way. Any indication of these traits is rarely outwardly displayed, deliberate or spiteful.
It’s possible to have moments where they may seem controlling, possessive, bossy, or even a bully. While most of these are rare for an ESTP, it is not unheard of.
The ESTP Personality At A Glance
When dealing with an ESTP, be prepared for a “high-energy” personality. They thrive in social settings. Their energy, sense of humor, and ability to adapt make them the epitome of a social butterfly. They are also observant and detail orientated, allowing them to navigate social situations confidently and efficiently.
ESTP strengths include being:
- Sociable
- Humorous
- Lively
- “doers” and “go-getters.”
- Resourceful
- Rational
- Practical
- Flexible
- Direct with communication
- Observant
ESTP weaknesses include:
- Insensitivity
- Competitiveness
- Impulsiveness
- Dramatic
- Impatience
- Disregard long-term consequences
- Easily bored
Looking at only the weaknesses of an ESTP, it’s understandable how one might assume them to be possessive and controlling. If you look deeper into these two things, you will find that it is a far cry from an ESTP.
Recognizing Possessive And Controlling Behavioral Tendencies
Each one of us is susceptible to feelings of possessiveness and controlling behavior. These may not be deliberate or compulsive and often stems from past traumas, insecurities, and trust issues.
When this behavior forms part of a person’s modus operandi, it significantly strains their friendships and relationships. As well as the damage it will inflict on the object of their attention.
Possessiveness Within Relationships
At the beginning of an intimate or romantic relationship, a small degree of possession and jealousy can be expected from your partner. It is even considered endearing by some. When everything is fresh and new, having your partner show how much they want and desire you and all of your attention adds to the thrill of a new love interest. It is even a bit of an ego boost.
If this behavior persists long after the initial stages, it isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. The relationship in question will become toxic and could become an abusive one.
Signs of possessive behavior to keep on your radar:
- ”love-bombing” – Moving quickly with declarations of love, affection, relationship milestones, and sex.
- Controlling and monopolizing your time – A possessive partner will expect or demand that you spend all of your free time with them. Any time spent away from them will have them questioning you on your whereabouts, company, and activity. They may go so far as accusing you of lying about these things.
- Snooping and interrogating – Their lack of trust and need to know every detail about your life will lead to them snooping through your phone and laptop or scrutinizing your social media activity.
- Guilt-tripping – If you call them out on their actions, they are not above using gaslighting techniques to fool you into believing you are the one being paranoid and that everything they do is out of love.
Signs Of Controlling Behavior
While possessive behavior is usually confined to more personal and intimate relationships, controlling behavior can be exercised by anyone in any setting or situation.
Signs to look out for:
- Controlling people crave being the center of attention and controlling the narrative of any situation
- They will not accept blame and will go so far as to place blame on others despite them being obviously at fault
- Things need to be carried out THEIR way. It does not matter if their way is the right way or the wrong way. For them, it is the only way.
- Lying
- Unpredictability
- A false sense of authority gives them the entitlement to dictate what others can and can’t do.
What Are ESTPs Like In Relationships?
Just because ESTPs are charming and amicable, this doesn’t mean that relationships are an easy feat for them. They are great at interacting with people and adept at perceiving non-verbal communication, but they do fall short in some areas, which could cause some challenges:
- Commitment issues – This likely stems from their need to be living in the moment at all times, the propensity to be easily bored, and the need for constant sensory stimulation
- Insensitivity – While observant, they don’t always take in the emotions of others. Their practicality and impatience may present as insensitive. Impulsiveness also causes them to often speak without thinking.
Do ESTPs Get Jealous?
The green-eyed monster may make a cameo appearance in the ESTP. However, appearing jealous and possessive does not bode well for the energetic, charismatic, “devil may care” persona they embody. Any feelings or inclinations of jealousy will not be put on display.
Is An ESTP Personality Bossy?
There may be a subtle bossiness with this type, but they are not so rigid that no one else gets a say. Being bossy may be too consuming and too much of a commitment for an ESTP. As the “entrepreneurs” of the MBTI, they have enough in the way of people skills to not have to resort to being bossy. Instead, influence and encouragement will serve them in their endeavors.
Are ESTPs Bullies?
It may be surprising for people to discover that while neither controlling nor possessive, bullying is quite common amongst ESTPs. Their general demeanor (high energy, impulsive, bold, insensitive, fast-talking) may lead them to say hurtful things (sometimes in jest), but they do not expect the recipient to dwell on it. Their need for spontaneity and adventure causes them to be dismissive of those who do not have the same approach to life.
As mentioned before, they do not think of the bigger picture, and long-term effects and bullying may only seem like a momentary situation. They move on from things quickly and expect the same from others. Their humor may also be taken offensively at times.
Conclusion
ESTPs are far too busy ensuring that they are living their lives to the fullest to be hung up with controlling or possessive behavior. If these characteristics were to present themselves in this personality type, it wouldn’t come out in a negative way, if at all.
