While we believe every personality type has the ability to be a good parent, your personality type can play a major role in how easy it is. It will also play a major role in how you interact with your children. So, are ESFJs good parents?
ESFJs are fantastic parents. In fact, many claim that ESFJs are natural parents. They always strive to give their children the love and attention they deserve, and they’ll support their children in everything that they do. However, ESFJs will often take any failings with their child personally, which can cause issues.
On this page, we want to give you an overview of the ESFJ parenting style. We’ll not only take a look at the positives of being an ESFJ parent but also some of the negatives that come alongside this.
The ESFJ Parenting Style
Here, we want to take a look at the major traits of the ESFJ parenting style. We’ll give you both the positive and negative traits.
ESFJs are Born to Be Parents
There are some people who will argue that ESFJs are born to be parents. We agree. ESFJs are very attentive and they are highly focused on other people. In fact, an ESFJ gets the vast majority of their happiness from pleasing other people in their life.
ESFJs have a deep-rooted nature to want to care for others. You could argue that becoming a parent is one of the major life goals for an ESFJ since they will have somebody in their life that they can properly care for. Somebody who will rely on the parent for their happiness (something an ESFJ loves).
ESFJs Love To Show Love and Affection to Their Children
From day 1, an ESFJ is going to show their child with love and affection. If you have ever met an ESFJ, then you’ll know that they are people-pleasers. An ESFJ will often put their needs second to the needs of others, and this is something that will happen a lot when they have a child.
You will rarely have a child of an ESFJ who claims that they didn’t receive a lot of love growing up. In fact, it is far, far more likely that you’ll end up with the child of an ESFJ who claims that their ESFJ parent was a little bit overbearing when it came to love.
ESFJs Support Their Child in Everything They Do
ESFJs are very, very accepting of who their children are.
You’ll get some ESFJs who do try to guide their children towards a pre-set plan that they had in mind, but the vast majority of ESFJs will often let their children discover themselves. Again, this is all down to the ESFJ’s desire to ensure that everybody in their life is as happy as possible.
You will rarely find a child of an ESFJ who claims that they were not given a lot of support when they were growing up…even if the things the child needed support in went against the value of the parent.
ESFJs are Great at Establishing Rules and Boundaries
One of the best parental traits of an ESFJ parent is their ability to set rules and ensure that their children follow them.
An ESFJ parent will rarely have an unruly child. They know how to set expectations for their child, and their children will rarely try to push the rules. The child will always know what they should be doing.
What makes this such a fantastic trait is the fact that an ESFJ parent is able to accomplish this without necessarily coming across as strict. They can set rules and boundaries while making it seem like they are your friend. Very few personality types can do this. We suppose it is down to the fact that an ESFJ doesn’t want to be disliked by their children, and they are afraid that if they are too strict, this will end up happening.
ESFJs Can Get Very Protective Of Their Children
ESFJs are very protective of their children, and this can be both a blessing and a curse.
Obviously, you always want your parent to keep an eye out for you. You want to know that if you get into trouble, your parent is going to be there to bail you out. However, as you get older, you do want a bit more freedom. ESFJs are very reluctant to give too much freedom.
ESFJ parents can often come across as overbearing. While they are supportive of everything their child will do, an ESFJ will often try to dictate certain aspects of a child’s life e.g. who their friends are, the subjects they study, etc.
Even as a child heads into adulthood, an ESFJ parent will try to cling to their child. In fact, an ESFJ parent will see it as a personal failure when their child leaves home.
Thankfully, this can often be worked to the child’s advantage. An ESFJ still has that desire to be loved by their child, and a small amount of pushback can give the child a bit more independence (at least within the rules and boundaries that have previously been established).
ESFJs Feel a Lot Of Pride In Their Children…But Can Be Very Critical Too
ESFJs are incredibly connected with their children. So, when their child experiences success in their life, an ESFJ feels a huge amount of pride. It is almost as if the success of the child is the parent’s success too.
That being said, this has a negative side. If a child fails, the parent will be supportive but they can be critical of the child too, hopefully trying to get them back on the right path. This is because the parent sees the child’s failure as the parent’s failure.
Final Thoughts
ESFJs make excellent parents. They are very supportive and caring people, and they are great at setting rules and boundaries for their children. About the only downside of an ESFJ is that they are often very reluctant to give their children independence, especially as their child gets older.
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