ENFJs are energetic people who love being in a social setting, but since they are often surrounded by people with different personalities, how can you draw their attention to you?
ENFJs are attracted to genuine, thoughtful people who prioritize caring for others. They appreciate people who can communicate well, engage in meaningful conversations, and uphold good morals and values. They also find confidence and goal-directed behavior attractive.
While ENFJs are charismatic and hugely likable, they are more often drawn to people who share some of their personality traits. So how can you attract an ENFJ?
What Is The ENFJ Like?
The ENFJ personality type is also called the ‘Protagonist’ personality since they are often like the lead character in a movie – they are generally on a mission to save the world, make life better for those around them, or inspire the masses to achieve their potential.
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) lists the ENFJ as an Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging type who gains energy from being around others. They can communicate exceptionally well, but they’re also sensitive and compassionate. They tend to have a good grasp on how others are affected, and their overarching aim is to make life better for those around them.
They have a solid moral compass that guides them, and they will stand up for their beliefs – the ENFJ is always driven to do right by others, so they can be very hard on themselves if they slip up. They love people and get along well with most other types of personalities.
14 Things ENFJs Find Attractive
Since they are often in a sea of people, ENFJs will require something unique to catch their eye. Here are some of the things that the ENFJ personality type finds attractive in others:
1. Being compassionate and caring
Since ENFJs place immense value on helping others and trying to improve the world, they naturally find others who are kind and caring attractive. Those who believe in uplifting people around them will be like a magnet for the ENFJ, driven by the mission to help, care for, and look after those around them.
2. Deep thinkers with a depth of character
ENFJ types have strong core values that guide them and hold themselves to exceptionally high standards. Their moral code is formed by an ability to think deeply about important matters and to have opinions about subjects that can be pretty sensitive.
They are not drawn to the materialistic and superficial types who place importance on what’s popular. Instead, they value those who can consider all sides of an argument and form their own opinion, independent of what’s in vogue in society.
3. Meaningful conversations
Following on the above, ENFJs want to be able to have deep conversations about the meaning of life, purpose, and topics that speak to improving the world around them. Small talk and passing conversation will not just irritate them and indicate a two-dimensional character; it will likely bore them.
ENFJs tend to be intellectual. They thus value someone who can also consider more than just superficial topics, and those who prioritize personal growth through intense conversations with people who uphold different perspectives are likely to pique their interest.
4. Shared values
Since they are anchored by a robust moral code and rooted in their core values, ENFJs will appreciate people with similar core beliefs. Shared values will indicate to an ENFJ that you are also willing to fight for others alongside them.
Even if their core beliefs aren’t exactly the same, they will be attracted to those with strong convictions who can stand up for their beliefs.
5. Clear goals
ENFJs are on a mission: they have clear goals for their own lives and feel driven by the purpose of making life better for those around them. They are attracted to people with a clear mission in life and those who are goal-directed.
People who aimlessly move through life and spontaneously go with the flow will likely frustrate the ENFJ. As they move in a specific direction with their lives, they will be attracted to someone who is focused, ambitious, and working towards an aim.
6. High energy
Much like being goal-oriented, ENFJs generally have boundless energy – admittedly, this is often used to help others and invest in those around them, but it’s also used for ENFJs to chase their dreams. They aren’t particularly laid back in this regard, and you will struggle to find an ENFJ that can be called lazy.
As such, driven and motivated people will likely be interesting to an ENFJ. The enthusiasm and excitement of an ENFJ are contagious, and it’s easy to see how someone with high energy levels would draw their gaze.
7. Extroverted and sociable
Although it has been said that ENFJs are drawn to the more introverted partners, it’s important to note that ENFJs are naturally extroverted and sociable. Thus they will easily connect with others equally adept at handling social situations.
Being able to handle their extroverted nature is something that an ENFJ will require from a partner, and someone who doesn’t like to be in groups will likely not appeal to them.
8. Intellect and imagination
Although everyone has feelings about what is physically attractive, for the ENFJ, there has to be more than just beauty. Someone who is intelligent and can hold their own in conversations that require good general knowledge will be an immediate green flag for the ENFJ.
Furthermore, they will be fascinated by those who have a good imagination – not just for the sake of creativity but also as an ability to put themselves in the shoes of others and see things from a different perspective. Creativity and a desire for knowledge are all things that an ENFJ finds attractive.
9. Effort
ENFJs put much stock in how much effort someone will take to get to know them. Superficial relationships frustrate them just as much as small talk about the weather, and since they value time invested deeply, they will be attracted to someone who puts in the same effort to get to know them in return.
The same applies to gifts or flirting – an ENFJ is more likely to respond positively to someone who has gone out of their way to learn something special about them (like their favorite author or band, for example) rather than an expensive trinket.
10. Good communication
We know that ENFJs are talkers and leaders who can easily inspire the troops to take on a battlefield, and as such, they put a lot of value in those who can communicate clearly, effectively, and purposefully. If you can convey your intentions in a way that stirs up the emotion in an ENFJ, you may win their heart entirely.
Additionally, ENFJs are direct about their feelings and thoughts, and someone who can’t verbalize these things effectively will probably not be a good match for the ENFJ. Remember that ENFJ types will want to communicate often, about everything, and in-depth – you can’t shy away from engaging with them if you’re going to have a relationship work out.
11. Quirky and genuine
Since they have such clear values, the ENFJ appreciates people who are open and honest, especially when it comes to being your authentic self. Being a ‘cookie cutter’ version of what’s popular will never fly with the ENFJ – they would much rather see the real you, and even if the real you is slightly quirky, they are likely to be even more drawn to you then.
ENFJs are open-minded and enjoy learning new things; they can also relate to various cultures and traditions. They may find the side of you that you call ‘weird’ attractive.
12. Passion and talent
They’re all about personal growth and leaning into your talents and skills, so an overt display of your hobbies and interests will likely draw their attention. Even more so is your enthusiasm and passion. The ENFJ gives everything to whatever task they are busy with, and seeing someone invested in a skill or talent will leave them wanting to see more.
Showing off a talent, skill, or hobby is also a surefire sign to the introvert that there is more to you than meets the eye – and remember, they value things that are deep and not superficial.
13. Confidence
While the ENFJ is comfortable leading the pack or being pushed into the limelight, they will also be drawn to those who don’t shy away. They may not like competing for attention, but they like when people come across as self-assured and confident. Especially since they may tease you as a means of flirting with you, the ENFJ will be pretty impressed if you can handle this without getting offended or flustered.
14. Plan ahead
ENFJs are good planners and like to be organized – they don’t like being caught unaware, so they are likely to be more drawn to similarly-minded people. Spontaneity isn’t necessarily something they appreciate, although if it links up with their beliefs or interests, it may just make them look twice.
How To Attract an ENFJ Personality
If you’re specifically looking to attract an ENFJ personality, you may want to take note of the following tips and suggestions:
- Be kind, considerate, and empathetic to those around you
- Make the effort to engage in conversation with the ENFJ, ask them questions that will help you to get to know them better
- Pay attention and notice little things about them – show them that you’ve picked up on their interests and hobbies
- Be confident in your approach and be upfront with your expectations
- Stand up for others and for the things you believe in
- Be able to take a joke, debate, and not be offended by their teasing
- Plan times together in advance and take into account what interests you share with them
